Thursday, October 30, 2008

Suitor Number Seven


Meet Hept-Rossi from The Suburban Rob Rossis. He's a stud just like the real Rob Rossi, and while Hept-Rossi is not as good at fabricating free agency rumors as the real Rob Rossi, he could easily take him in a fight. Or a blog-off. Ladies, try to contain yourselves as Hept-Rossi romances you Pittsburgh style. N'at.  

Have you ever dated or been associated with Elisha Cuthbert, Alyssa Milano or Hillary Duff? If yes, have you been recently tested for a venereal disease?
My right hand has had encounters with all of them but my left one only likes Milano.  Neither one wants anything to do with Hillary's brother, I think his name is Haley.  As for the VD test, I wore a glove, so no. 
 
 
True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's.
Everything about me is bigger than Sidney Crosby...everything.
 
 
Rate your flexiblity on a scale of 1-10. 1 is Kyle Wellwood and 10 is Roberto Luongo.
I'd have to say 8.  I can put my leg behind my head, but I still can't reach.  Not that I've tried or anything.
 
 
Your stick is: wood or composite
Everything about me is all natural...everything.
 
 
Sarah Palin is......
a. destroying hockey
b. using it for political gain
c. I'd tap that 
(note: C will result in application denial)
She's destroying everything so I would have to go with A.
 

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit
Both.  Little known fact, Don Cherry was the inspiration for the Golgothan (i.e. shit monster) in Kevin Smith's feature film "Dogma".  
 

You like to go: top shelf or five hole
Why chose one?  I'm a fan of both.  I've also been known to attempt a 'sneaky' wrap around every so often and try to slip one in the back door. Variety is the spice of life.
 

High heels at games; yes or no
Would Santonio Holmes be considered a heel?  If so, then yes.
 

Role playing potential: can your acting skills rival the likes of Derek Roy?
Everything about me is better than Derek Roy...everything.
 

My dad is Michael Therrien. He says he wants to meet your 'soff' ass. How much do you love me?
First, I hope you're his daughter and not his son.  Second, I would check your ass into the nearest wall so you're dad would give me more playing time. Third, I couldn't wait until he told the media that I was trying to be the worst boyfriend ever.  
 

Your girlfriend wants a custom jersey for their birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that they want. Do you still buy them the jersey?
She wouldn't be my girlfriend if she didn't love the Pens.  She would just be a girl I was nailing so I could tell my buddies.  "Hey, I banged a Capitals fan last night, and just like them, she sucked."
 
 
Your girlfriend/boyfriend asks you if 'you wanna go? you wanna go' in a thick canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.
First, turn some Barry White on, get a little sheet music going.  Next, the helmets come off followed by the elbow pads.  We lock up and start tussling to get each other's jersey off.  Our skates get tangled.  We fall to the ice.  AAWWW SHIT!!!  THAT'S FUCKING COLD!!!  
 
 
The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya?
My Chewbacca figure doesn't need to bear witness to the things I would do to you.
 

A girl is wearing a pink hockey jersey. but you find out she know about everything about hockey. she is smart, witty, can rattle off stanley cup teams from years ago. does the pink jersey make her less attractive?
All girls are pink on the inside.

 
You're at a hockey game and your team is loosing and you look pissed. An ice girl approaches you and asks to cheer you up. Do you accept a blow job or a hand job?
BJ.  Because that is my porn name, B.J. Hunter.  Also, I don't want to hear any explanations as to why the Pens could only muster 9 shots during the entire game.  Just smoke that roast and be done with it.  I have to hit traffic on my way home.   

2 comments:

Hept-Rossi said...

Wow, Suitor Number Seven! I feel like George Costanza's child that he never had. Gold, Jerry, gold!

dani said...

"All girls are pink on the inside."

That's my fave quote of the day.