Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Suitor Number Five.

Ladies, ladies, ladies. I have a treat for you. Meet Cotter from One For The Other Thumb. He's a Pittsburgh Steelers blogger who has hockey ingrained in him from his former days as a player. The beautiful Zamboni Harmony banner you see at the top of the page was his creation (which obviously highlights qualities such as compassion, giving, sharing, talent), and this boy has skills that extend beyond the rink and the blogosphere and probably into the bedroom as well. Give him a read. Then take a moment to droll over the best zamboni photoshop you've ever had the privilege of viewing.  

Here's Cotter as Hansel. 

And just when you think you couldn't take any more adorable.. here he is as a baby, doing what we all do best. 

Have you ever dated or been associated with Elisha Cuthbert, Alyssa Milano or Hillary Duff? If yes, have you been recently tested for a venereal disease?
Yes and NO. But that’s just all part of the excitement, isn’t it?

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's
Whose? Yours or mine? Wait, I’m confused. Negative, I do not assess the size of other dudes’ asses.

Rate your flexiblity on a scale of 1-10. 1 is Kyle Wellwood and 10 is Roberto Luongo.
I’m somewhere between J.S. Giguere and Felix Potvin.

Your stick is: wood or composite
This is seriously a question?!?! Uh, wood. Everybody knows composite is for 10 year olds and douchebags who wear ITECH cages.

Sarah Palin is......
a. destroying hockey
b. using it for political gain
c. I'd tap that (note: C will result in application denial)
I’m gonna go with “D. Some crazy bitch from Russia.” But that’s only because C was removed as an option. 

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit
C. All of the above...and he’s also a student of the Elton John School of Wardrobe design. 

You like to go: top shelf or five hole
I’m an equal opportunity scorer. I like to mix it up. Sometimes I even throw in a low glove side sneak attack. It’s all just part of the mystique.

High heels at games; yes or no
Ok, again, am I wearing the heels or are you? If me, yes. If you...wait, what? Are you naked or clothed?

Role playing potential: can your acting skills rival the likes of Derek Roy?
I fancy myself more of a Sean Avery. But sure. Whatever.

My dad is Michael Therrien. He says he wants to meet your soft ass. How much do you love me?
Sweetheart, please. I was showing Michel Therrien what was what before you were even out of diapers. I’ve got that dude eating out of my hand like Bambi. Also, it’s strange that he’d call my ass “soft.” He said it was quite firm when he grabbed it.

Your girlfriend wants a custom jersey for their birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that they want. Do you still buy them the jersey?
Hell no. Custom jerseys fucking suck. I’d get her a Ron Francis. Now THAT’S a jersey!

Your girlfriend/boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.
Are you trying to seduce me? You vixen, you! It’s a shame that I am impervious to your advances. [Emoticon winking]

The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya?
What kind of toys are we talking? I mean, I’d definitely want my Thundercats action figures. That’s non-negotiable.

A girl is wearing a pink hockey jersey. but you find out she knows about everything about hockey. she is smart, witty, can rattle off stanley cup teams from years ago. does the pink jersey make her less attractive?
Yes. This situation has “Too Good To Be True” written all over it. Does she also talk to herself and sometimes inanimate objects just a little too much? Next question. 

You're at a hockey game and your team is loosing and you look pissed. An ice girl approaches you and asks to cheer you up. Do you accept a blow job or a hand job?
Honestly, is this a joke? I’d accept a blow job whilst I was clearing the ice for the 3rd period. Zamboni head is the new black. DUH!


Cotter said...

Look Mom, I'm on the internets!

wrap around curl said...

I think your answer to the last question was the one that made me laugh hardest.

Vern said...

That would be the most epic accomplishment ever. I need to get a zamboni.

And a vulnerable young girl with daddy issues.

Cotter said...

Yeah, I figure that's the only way to fly...errr...zamboni...zamboner? That's what she said...