Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Suitorette Number One.

All right gents, here is your chance to peek into the mind of Loser Domi. Domi is good with the words putting her beloved Maple Leafs in madcap adventures. I think that is what the kids are calling it these days. Can you win her over? Or does her heart belong to Matt Stajan?

Domi's the one on the right, naturally.

Your hockey boyfriend loses a fight. Does his ass sleep on the couch? Or do you nurse him back to health? Is he badly injured? Did he hurt the other guy as well? Was he a large man taking on a tiny rookie? These factors come into play.

The Ovechkin Question; do you like rides on Segways?
Only if they have flames on the sides

The Staal Question: one you've done one, you've done them all?
I'd feel awkward doing more than one--afraid I'd yell out another one's name or something (assuming they could do that)

The Brodeur question: would you cheat on me with my sister?
She doesn't really like hockey so I'd assume no

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's
.I'm a twig, so false

I like my sticks; stiff and straight or curved for performance.
They say variety is the spice of life...

Put yourself in Sidney Crosby's shoes. You're living with Mario Lemieux. Give a detailed plan of how you're going to get it done. Then send all suggestions to Sidney Crosby along with a bottle of champagne, strawberries, and a smooth Jazz CD
. I'm not sure how to answer this question. Get it done with Mario Lemieux? Ewwwww. Besides, everyone knows you get the hot bitches with Oreos, Wine collers and Superbad, not champagne, strawberries, and a smooth Jazz CD.

Pierre McGuire
a) looks like a penis
b) is a penis
c) just made you throw up a little inside your mouth.
d) makes you rock back and forth hands over your ears shrieking "make it stop."
e) looks like a turtle

E, looks like a turtle.

Todd Bertuzzi is....

High heels at games; yes or no.
Maybe. Depends where you're sitting. Maybe lower heels (1-3 inch), to give lift without looking like a total whore

Your boyfriend wants a custom jersey for his birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that he wants. Do you still buy him the jersey?
I buy him a Ron Popeill food dehydrator! Those things are awesome!

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit

A, full of shit

Ladies: your boyfriend asks for a Don Cherry suit for his birthday. is he
a) gay
b) trying to dress up his inner douche bag.
c) he's only doing it for funsies

If you're pondering a) then has he given back the Cher CD that he "borrowed" last month?
I don't even own a Cher CD, so I'm assuming it's his

Your boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.
By Canadian, you don't mean Quebecois, do you? that's just a total turn off for me. I'd probbaly ask "uhhhh...go where?"

The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya? My fucking toys or my normal toys? I may not bring them on a dtae but to a game...maybe

I like my goalies....
a. standing up
b. buttery
c. hybrid
d. on their back

C, hybrid

Finally, what would the title of your hockey porn be and what would the set up be?
Oh Gods, there are so many possibilities here....my brain's on Three Stooges mode...DICK JOKE


Vern said...

No one else is using real pictures! I am nothing without anonymity.

Anyone that buys me a food dehydrator is going to be eating my dehydrated sperms. That would actually be a great prank to pull on Pierre McGuire.

Jaredoflondon said...

I'm glad to see my three stooges mode saying is catching on

PPP said...

Let me be the first to say:

Bow Chicka Wow Wow.

Loser Domi said...

You know guys, I didn't get the best picture of me out there. Maybe this one's better: http://fitblog.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/jessica-alba-california.jpg