Suitorette Number Three.

Fellas, Suitorette number three is Alix of Humming Giraffe. What do I know about her? She is a sucker for Swedes. And tall, dark Quebecians. So like if a dude was half and half, she might lose her mind. But only if he knew something about hockey.



As you can see, Alix always brings the classy.



Your hockey boyfriend loses a fight. Does his ass sleep on the couch? Or do you nurse him back to health?

It kind of depends. Did he get totally smoked by a dude that's teeny tiny? If true, then couch for sure. But if he kept up with a dude way bigger/stronger than him, I would probably pull out my nurse outfit.

The Ovechkin Question; do you like rides on Segways?

Most definitely.


The Staal Question: once you've done one, you've done them all?

Oh yeah. I wouldn't turn one down though. Something about that creepy Aryan/cult like vibe they have going on gets me all hot and bothered.


The Brodeur question: would you cheat on me with my sister?

If you made it worth my while, sure.

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's.

False. I couldn't come close, even if I actually worked out.

I like my sticks; stiff and straight or curved for performance

Both. I don't like to discriminate.

Put yourself in Sidney Crosby's shoes. You're living with Mario Lemieux. Give a detailed plan of how you're going to get it done. Then send all suggestions to Sidney Crosby along with a bottle of champagne, strawberries, and a smooth Jazz CD.

I'm assuming getting it done with a lady friend, not getting it done with Mario Lemieux? Because ewww. I don't even think lovers of slash fan fic could get into that pairing. But anyways, I say Sid locks the door to the basement at chez Lemieux, pours some Crown Royal in a nice glass, and lets his giant ass do the rest of the work.

Pierre McGuire
a) looks like a penis
b) is a penis
c) just made you throw up a little inside your mouth.
d) makes you rock back and forth hands over your ears shrieking "make it stop."

C. Shudder.

Todd Bertuzzi is _____________

Sooooo dirty hot.

High heels at games; yes or no

No for me since I'm a complete klutz and would totally fall down the stairs. Other girls can wear them, as long as they're wearing something in real honest to goodness team colours.

Your boyfriend wants a custom jersey for his birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that he wants. Do you still buy him the jersey?

Yes. But I get to bitch every time he wears it. And no way in hell is he wearing it in bed.

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit

A

Ladies: your boyfriend asks for a Don Cherry suit for his birthday. is he
a) gay
b) trying to dress up his inner douche bag.
c) he's only doing it for funsies

C

If you're pondering a) then has he given back the Cher CD that he "borrowed" last month?

I don't think I actually have any Cher in my house. He would totally steal it though if I did.


Your boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick Canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.

Ooooh. Right against the wall, fast and furious. Lots of making out. Bonus points if he says it in an accent bursting with French Canadian.


The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya?

Of course. No one should go without toys.


I like my goalies....
a. standing up
b. buttery
c. hybrid
d. on their back

b) Buttery.

[NOTE: I just realized I wrote this a bit late and meant butterfly not buttery. Either way, yum? -WAC.]

Finally, what would the title of your hockey porn be and what would the set up be?

3 on 1. The hot journalism intern hits the locker room with the team's three tastiest players for an in depth "interview".