Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Suitorette Number Four.

Oh hi. I am Wrap. I run a cute little blog called Wrap Around Curl where I write about my Memorial Cup fumbling Spokane Chiefs and my pretty pretty goalie among topics. What can I say about myself that you haven't already picked up on my site? There is my unending fascination with America's Next Top Model and my love for the Wu Tang Clan. I adore my bloggers and all the collaborations. Which makes me like the Puff Daddy of hockey blogging I think...My theory is if I write enough about Sean Avery one of these days he will call me and we will go shopping at Dior and then have some furious wrestling in the sheets. It's the best of all possible worlds, really.

Your hockey boyfriend loses a fight. Does his ass sleep on the couch? Or do you nurse him back to health?
If I know he should have won? Couch city for a three night minimum. But if he was mauled I will put on my nurse dress and take his temperature.

The Ovechkin Question; do you like rides on Segways?

Who doesn't like rides on Segways? Terrorists. That's who.

The Staal Question: once you've done one, you've done them all?
They don't do it for me. I don't know why. But looking at their pictures, some are more unfortunate looking than others. Which is the Hurricane one? He will do. I wouldn't take my panties off for the other two.

The Brodeur question: would you cheat on me with my sister?

Ok I totally worded this question wrong. Serves me right for late night blogging. I might cheat on you with your foxier brother. Shit where the fuck was I going with this question?

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's.

I have a whole lot of ass for a white girl.

I like my sticks; stiff and straight or curved for performance

I like whatever stick is going to get the game winner.

Put yourself in Sidney Crosby's shoes. You're living with Mario Lemieux. Give a detailed plan of how you're going to get it done. Then send all suggestions to Sidney Crosby along with a bottle of champagne, strawberries, and a smooth Jazz CD.

Dude, you are Sidney fucken Crosby. Get a hotel room Hockey Jesus. Or man up and get your own digs. Shit how much are you getting paid?

Pierre McGuire
a) looks like a penis
b) is a penis
c) just made you throw up a little inside your mouth.
d) makes you rock back and forth hands over your ears shrieking "make it stop."

C then D

Todd Bertuzzi is _____________

a wanking fuckwit. Who sorta looks like a date rapist to me.

High heels at games; yes or no
I'm a classy dame. But at hockey games I tend to be a salty broad, so I rock some Adidas kicks. Besides, this one time at a hockey game I saw a chick in high heels slip in some mustard. Then she popped out of her low cut shirt. I laughed. It was like Christmas.

Your boyfriend wants a custom jersey for his birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that he wants. Do you still buy him the jersey?

Yes, because it should score me numerous imaginary points in the future that can be redeemed for shiny pretties.

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit

B. With a fake tan to rival Paris Hilton.

Ladies: your boyfriend asks for a Don Cherry suit for his birthday. is he
a) gay
b) trying to dress up his inner douche bag.
c) he's only doing it for funsies

If you're pondering a) then has he given back the Cher CD that he "borrowed" last month?

I hope it's C. I don't own any Cher. I own plenty of Madonna. For seriously Ray of Light is an amazing album.

Your boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick Canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.

"Yeah, right now." Then I grab his hoodie and start Boogaarding him. And then I am on top of him. Removing said hoodie.

The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya?


I like my goalies....
a. standing up
b. butterfly
c. hybrid
d. on their back

Whatever position keeps their saves percentage highest. They can be on their back after the game.

Finally, what would the title of your hockey porn be and what would the set up be?
Glove Side Action. I'd tie a goalie to his posts. And have a bit of fun with him. Bet you didn't know a goalie could be undressed so quickly...


Lori said...

omg... she slipped in mustard AND popped out of her shirt? Christmas on ACID.

beautifully done.

dani said...

I have a whole lot of booty for a white girl too.

I must agree with lori on the mustard slip.

Vern said...

I was kind of wondering where you had been going with the Brodeur thing as well. I was confused.

And don't lie. If any Staal asked you to break him off real quick you'd be on your knees like you were praying.

Jaredoflondon said...

Boogarding sounds dirty and rough, I like it

eyebleaf said...

I want to see this nurse dress.

Q-girl said...

i also had a problem with the Brodeur question...i thought you were asking if i would go lezzie