Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Suitor Number Six.

Ladies ladies ladies...I have a goalie for you. Eyebleaf over at Sports in the City also is a netminder. Look at him stretchhhhh. I am just dying to know his current saves percentage.

Have you ever dated or been associated with Elisha Cuthbert, Alyssa Milano or Hillary Duff? If yes, have you been recently tested for a venereal disease?
Nope, I'm more of a Reese Witherspoon kind of guy. I'm off the puck bunnies, huge.

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's.

I don't know about bigger, but my ass is definitely nicer. And Crosby's a douche.

Rate your flexiblity on a scale of 1-10. 1 is Kyle Wellwood and 10 is Roberto Luongo.
9.95. I'm a goalie, flexibility is my shtick. I'm like a mother fuckin gymnast. Minus the tights, of course.

Your stick is: wood or composite

Wood. Those composites are a little too, what shall I say, unreliable. My shaft never breaks.

Sarah Palin is......
a. destroying hockey
b. using it for political gain
c. I'd tap that
(note: C will result in application denial)

A. Destroying hockey, and the Republican Party. But, and it pains me to say this, she's still kind of a GILF.

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit

All of the above. Cherry's xenophobic act is growing a bit tired. Europeans have feelings too, you know.

You like to go: top shelf or five hole

Both. I aim to please.

High heels at games; yes or no

High heels and a jersey at the game: No. High heels and a jersey in the bedroom: Yes.

Role playing potential: can your acting skills rival the likes of Derek Roy?

Derek Roy ain't shit. I'll show you the meaning of a ten-minute misconduct for "unsportsmanlike conduct."

My dad is Michel Therrien. He says he wants to meet your "soff" ass. How much do you love me?

When I'm done with Michel, he'll be calling me "Dad."

Boys, you're walking down the street and Sean Avery criticizes your girlfirend's outfit. you
a) say, "Well you know what, Sean? That belt is SO last season!"
b) should have bought her the Alyssa Milano outfit she asked for
c) Wave anything your hand in his face to distract him while she runs away
d) ask him if Cuthbert gave him the herp
e) call him fatso and refuse to shake his hand

F. Ask him to drop the gloves. We all know pretty boy Avery is nothing but a mouth.

Your girlfriend wants a custom jersey for their birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that she wants. Do you still buy her the jersey?

Absolutely not. Sorry love, but a man can only be so flexible (see answer to question 3).

Your girlfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick Canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.
First of all, she'd only have to ask me once. Then I'd hit the lights, and the music. I'd then proceed to score like Wayne Gretzky in 81/82. A performance for the record books, you know? They don't call it "the fastest game on earth" for no reason.

The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya?

Nope. I'm all the "toys" you need, honey.


Loser Domi said...

eyebleaf, I must commend you on your excellent photo choice

Jaredoflondon said...

Eyebleaf is a chubbeh bunneh!

Loser Domi said...

he's pretty...

eyebleaf said...

@ LD: Thank you darling.

@ Jared: Thank you darling.

@ LD: Thank you, once again, darling.