Saturday, November 22, 2008

Suitor Number Thirteen


Ladies, do I have a special treat for you. Meet Scott from the blog TOOAST!!! These boys have alll the bases covered. We're talking NBA, NHL, MLB, NFL, and you better believe that such thoroughness and passion on the blog extends well beyond the bedroom doors. 

Have you ever dated or been associated with Elisha Cuthbert, Alyssa Milano or Hillary Duff? If yes, have you been recently tested for a venereal disease?
 
My two closest associations with Elisha Cuthbert are:
 
1. That she was once Sean Avery's receptacle (who hasn't been?) and Avery now lives in Dallas, where I currently reside, where he is rapidly destroying the Stars from within like a runaway cancer.
 
2. The fact that, like our sweet little Ms Cuthbert, I grew up in Calgary, so we have that going for us. Which is nice.
 
Fortunately, I haven't had the privilige of tagging any of these hoo-ers, so no need for a V.D. test.


True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's.
 
Wow. Loaded question. It implies that I have taken notice of both your ass - which I have not knowingly ever done - and then compared it to every nubile Canadian and Pittsburghian girl's target rump of Captain Penguin. I'm sure my BMFS, one of my partners at Toooast!!!, would say that Sid's ass is likely slightly bruised and partially swollen from all the over-acted dives he takes. Or was that from the vengeful pounding he gave it while wearing his latest Flyers knock off jersey?
 
So I guess that makes his ass bigger?
 
False.
 
 

Rate your flexiblity on a scale of 1-10. 1 is Kyle Wellwood and 10 is Roberto Luongo.
 
3. I am as flexible as Terry Crisp.

Your stick is: wood or composite
 
Wood in the morning. A maleable composite during the rest of the day.

Sarah Palin is......
a. destroying hockey
b. using it for political gain
c. I'd tap that 
 
D. Going to be made the honorary anthem singer in San Jose so that the Sharks go completely in to the tank (I kill me!) and lose 60 games in a row.

(note: C will result in application denial)


Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit
 
c. Akshully he's composed entirely out of partially chewed Timbits. A variety of flavors. Ron MacLean is forced to replenish Cherry in between their on-camera banter.

You like to go: top shelf or five hole
 
Is the five hole between the tits? I'll shoot there.

High heels at games; yes or no
 
Hell ya! Nothing's better than watching some drunken puck slut fall down a flight of stairs after drinking 5 20 oz drafts while trying to get Modano's attention.

Role playing potential: can your acting skills rival the likes of Derek Roy?
 
I'm going for broke here. My acting skills rival those of Sidney Crosby! Hoo ah!

My dad is Michael Therrien. He says he wants to meet your "soff" ass. How much do you love me?
 
Uh...um...I have a childhood fear of men named Michelle. Don't ask.
 
I run as fast as I can the other way. And I don't love you.


Your girlfriend wants a custom jersey for their birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that they want. Do you still buy them the jersey?
 
Fuck. No.
 
Luckily, my "girlfriend " and my "hockey" have never crossed streams.


Your girlfriend/boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.
 
I tell her, "Come on baby...put down the Molson Ice. We both know it makes you do crazy shit. Ok, that's enough! Stop spitting your chew in my beer! Don't make me tase you!"

The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya?
 
Just my cell phone so I can text other people while she blabs about her sisters or hair school or something. 

A girl is wearing a pink hockey jersey. but you find out she know about everything about hockey. she is smart, witty, can rattle off stanley cup teams from years ago. does the pink jersey make her less attractive?
 
You didn't mention how hot she is. Assuming she is hot, and there is a possibility of dragging her home and putting the moon boots to her, I'll let the pink jersy slide. Right down on to the floor! Zing!

You're at a hockey game and your team is loosing and you look pissed. An ice girl approaches you and asks to cheer you up. Do you accept a blow job or a hand job?
 
Blow job! She needs her hands to hold my beers, eh!

2 comments:

Lori said...

First of all, notice that I gave you bedroom doors, plural. You live in a fuckin penthouse suite. Also, the ice girl holds your beers, also plural? You double fisting master...

teri springer said...

"High heels at games; yes or no

Hell ya! Nothing's better than watching some drunken puck slut fall down a flight of stairs after drinking 5 20 oz drafts while trying to get Modano's attention."

Best answer yet. But I resent the implication that many of us have been "recepticles" for Sean Avery. I wouldn't wipe my boots on that jerk. Hope he never gets another date as long as he lives.

Two Mooseheads, please.

teri