Saturday, November 1, 2008

Suitorette Number Six.

Oh heyyyyyy boys. The lovely "dave schultz" took her time to fill out the survey. Schultzie my WHL friendlet. Well, maybe frenemy? She loves the Ams and I love my Chiefs but we don't get into like jell-o wrestling matches over the rivalry. Check check check it out.

Schultzie, as pictured grabbing Eric Staal's ass.

Your hockey boyfriend loses a fight. Does his ass sleep on the couch? Or do you nurse him back to health?
I nurse him back to health, cuddling him close to my bosom, where he can rest his noggin. or whatever else needs rubbing.

The Ovechkin Question; do you like rides on Segways?

Depends on if we're talking about actual Segways (no) or some double entendre (then yes)

The Staal Question: one you've done one, you've done them all?

hmm. This seems like a theory that should be tested. By me. Repeatedly.

The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya?

YES. Yay toys!

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's.
uh, true? I haven't measured his ass. Another test I'd be willing to partake in.

I like my sticks; stiff and straight or curved for performance

Is this a true/false questions? TRUE. With the caveat that those composites tend to shatter and I don't need anything shattering when going for a 5-hole or top shelf shot.

Put yourself in Sidney Crosby's shoes. You're living with Mario Lemieux. Give a detailed plan of how you're going to get it done. Then send all suggestions to Sidney Crosby along with a bottle of champagne, strawberries, and a smooth Jazz CD.
Not clear who I'm supposed to be seducing here, Mario or Sid, I'm gonna say Sid. Lots of booze. After the booze was flowing I'd swoop in for the BJ action, it's kinda my specialty.

Pierre McGuire
a) looks like a penis
b) is a penis
c) just made you throw up a little inside your mouth.
d) makes you rock back and forth hands over your ears shrieking "make it stop."

e--he's a penislooking penis that makes me want to throw up while I'm punching babies and kicking puppies.

Todd Bertuzzi is... fucking scary. I would not hit that. Even with the lights out.

High heels at games; yes or no
not on me.

Your boyfriend wants a custom jersey for his birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that he wants. Do you still buy him the jersey?
no way, I'm too selfish and broke to spend money that I don't have on a team I hate. If he doesn't get that, I shouldn't be dating him. If I cave and get him the sweater, he can wear it only in bed because it would make me angry and rough, angry sex is ggrrrrawr!!

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit

Absolutely fucking batshit crazy. I tune in every week just for a dose of insanity. It's fascinating. And since I don't take him serious, it's all good. He can spew his crazy xenophobe talk all he wants, he's a windbag. But hockey wouldn't be the same without him.

Ladies: your boyfriend asks for a Don Cherry suit for his birthday. is he
a) gay
b) trying to dress up his inner douche bag.
c) he's only doing it for funsies

If you're pondering a) then has he given back the Cher CD that he "borrowed" last month?
Really excited for Halloween I hope. so I guess C. Or to see if I can break previous records of stripping him nekked and thowing him down.

Your boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick Canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.
Throw him down hard and fuck him till we're both comatose. Or something along those lines. And the fact he's Canadian? That earns him waffles in the morning. Extra syrup if he's lucky.

I like my goalies....
a. standing up
b. butterfly
c. hybrid
d. on their back

Depends on what I'm in the mood for, I like to mix things up. If you want more details, drop me an email. ;)

Finally, what would the title of your hockey porn be and what would the set up be?
"Odd-man rush". It would include me at and at least 2 Staals, preferably Erik and Marc. But I wouldn't turn Jordan away.

1 comment:

Hept-Rossi said...

"After the booze was flowing I'd swoop in for the BJ action, it's kinda my specialty."

What's that? B.J. Hunter's BJ sense is tingling. As for the specialty claim, I don't believe it. I guess you're just going to have to prove me wrong.