Suitorette Number Seven.

Yo wassup babies? The ever so fab Dani of Sabre Kallisions filled this out to see what suitors it will land her. I am not going to lie, she totes loves her Sabres. And I think she is facebook friends with a few of them. So good luck boyos.



I am so jealous of her blond hair. The R stands for "rad".

Your hockey boyfriend loses a fight. Does his ass sleep on the couch? Or do you nurse him back to health?
He sleeps on the couch. WTF, dude? How will you protect me from the crazy people? You’re supposed to be a hockey player. Sigh.
/shakes head

The Ovechkin Question; do you like rides on Segways?
I’ve never ridden one. Ovietime should sponsor me for charity.

The Staal Question: once you've done one, you've done them all?
Never a Staal. Neverrrrrrrr. Maybe, MAYBE if they have a pillow fight.

The Slap Shot Question: On a date would you "bring your fucken toys with ya"?
Yeah! Something's gotta keep him out of the penalty box, you know?

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's.
False. No one’s booty is bigger than the Chops... even Andrew Peters pre-Jenny Craig wasn’t that gigantic.

I like my sticks; stiff and straight or curved for performance
I’m all for the wood, baby.

Put yourself in Sidney Crosby's shoes. You're living with Mario Lemieux. Give a detailed plan of how you're going to get it done. Then send all suggestions to Sidney Crosby along with a bottle of champagne, strawberries, and a smooth Jazz CD.
Parents love me! I don’t need a plan.

Pierre McGuire
a) looks like a penis
b) is a penis
c) just made you throw up a little inside your mouth.
d) makes you rock back and forth hands over your ears shrieking "make it stop."

C, Señor.

Todd Bertuzzi is hot. I said it.

High heels at games; yes or no
Nay. I wouldn’t be caught dead in heels at the HSBC (unless it was for an event which requires me to dress for “business” attire).

Your boyfriend wants a custom jersey for his birthday but you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that he wants. Do you still buy him the jersey?
If that’s what he wants… I’m too nice, I guess.

Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit
A, I’m at a loss for witty comments. Cherry has that effect on me.

Ladies: your boyfriend asks for a Don Cherry suit for his birthday, is he
a) gay
b) trying to dress up his inner douche bag.
c) he's only doing it for funsies

I choose A if: he’s Derek Roy.
I choose B if: he’s Tim Connolly.
I choose C if: he’s Paul Gaustad.

If you're pondering a, then has he given back the Cher CD that he "borrowed" last month?
Derek? Give back my Cher CD? Ha ha haaaaaa. Wait, why do I have a Cher CD?

Your boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick Canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that.
I’ll pull his shit over his head and blow his friggin’ mind.

I like my goalies....
a. standing up
b. buttery
c. hybrid
d. on their back
[note: I sent Dani the version with the buttery goalie typo. -WAC]

B, buttery goalies sound amazing. POKE CHECK.

Finally, what would the title of your hockey porn name be and what would the set up be?
Holly Wood. Oh, I think you know my set up…