Monday, December 1, 2008

Suitor Number Fourteen


Helllooo ladies. Meet Nicholas from Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies. Now, even though we’re talking mini ponies, Nicholas’s writing is definitely of horse caliber. And, while we’re on the topic of horses, I’m gong to drop a subtle hint and let you guess what he’s hung like…. Enjoy.


Have you ever dated or been associated with Elisha Cuthbert, Alyssa Milano or Hillary Duff? If yes, have you been recently tested for a venereal disease? Hillary Duff once, but then Lohan got mad at me. So Comrie was her backup fling.

True or false: My ass is bigger than Sidney Crosby's. My ass? Perhaps. Your ass? I'd have to see pictures

Rate your flexiblity on a scale of 1-10. 1 is Kyle Wellwood and 10 is Roberto Luongo. Well, this is Z Harmony, so I'm off the charts, baby!

Your stick is: wood or composite. Huh huh...wood.


Sarah Palin is......
a. destroying hockey
b. using it for political gain
c. I'd tap that 

(note: C will result in application denial)
 
D. Saving hockey by destroying Philly and Columbus. Can we get her to go to D.C.?



Don Cherry is....
a. full of shit
b. composed entirely of shit
 
A piece of shit that wears shit on top of his shit. You follow?


You like to go: top shelf or five hole
 
Why not both? I'm not against having a multi-goal game...ladies...

High heels at games; yes or no Yes, until I broke an ankle trying to get the attention of the beer vendor.

Role playing potential: can your acting skills rival the likes of Derek Roy? Only if my future mate can rival Jarkko Ruutu...I mean...

My dad is Michael Therrien. He says he wants to meet your soft ass. How much do you love me? I've met Michel. He's taken a look at my soff ass, but never my soft one.


Your girlfriend wants a custom jersey for their birthday. But you utterly hate and despise the team and the player that they want. Do you still buy them the jersey? Yeah, and then burn it in front of her.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend asks you if "you wanna go? you wanna go" in a thick canadian accent. Explain your following actions in detail. Slower....yeah. Just like that. I'd say "Yeah, baby," then proceed to get my ass beat down because I misinterpreted the question.

The Slapshot question: On a date, would you bring your fucken toys with ya? Only my Ninja Tutles figurines...wait...wrong toys.

 
A girl is wearing a pink hockey jersey. but you find out she know about everything about hockey. she is smart, witty, can rattle off stanley cup teams from years ago. does the pink jersey make her less attractive? YES, but we can work past it.
 

 
You're at a hockey game and your team is loosing and you look pissed. An ice girl approaches you and asks to cheer you up. Do you accept a blow job or a hand job? As I said before, multi-goal games are my specialty. I'll score more than once.

5 comments:

Lori said...

You don't need heels for the beer vendor, just tits.

tecmo said...

Damn. As soon as I get this ankle cast off, I'm going BGW (Blogger Gone Wild, see?)

wrap around curl said...

Multi goal games eh....

tecmo said...

Someone catches my drift...

Vern said...

I usually just win with defense.


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